Balancing on a Fence in the Heart of Spain

After just over seven months of living in Madrid, the one thing I can say with any certainty is that a particular part of my 'new life' has been a failure of epic proportions.  Putting aside all the triggers that have sent me here at this point in time, the one thing that really drove the whole obsession with moving to Spain in the first place  - the erroneous belief that I would somehow have more time to think and, therefore, write - has slipped through my fingers like dry sand.  Even that last simile is erroneous, given that I live in a landlocked city surrounded by mountains but I'll 'press on', as my A' Level Economics teacher was fond of saying every half an hour or so.

There is a reason I reference my Economics teacher (Mr Wood - an earnestly nice chap - one of the
few A' level teachers I felt genuinely saddened about letting down).  Over the last few weeks and
months I've had many opportunities to reflect on his teachings.  Partly this is because, as a teacher of Business English, I have been spending a good few hours of every week in discussions with Spanish insurance company employees, bankers and similarly besuited professionals.  It is also fitting because the afore-mentioned Mr Wood, a die-hard Europhile who believed passionately in the whole Eurozone experiment, was constantly bemoaning the UK's failure to opt 'into' the Euro (I say 'into' - having just done my usual search on Wikipedia, they didn't formally opt 'out' until 1992 - at least three years after my last Economics lesson).  It seems ironic that, whilst profiting enormously from his teachings in one sense, I now live in a country where two words - 'the crash' - are never very far from most people's lips (at least when they are speaking English).   I think even Mr Wood would now have some trouble - or at least I assume he would - arguing against the UK's decision to opt out of the euro.  This subject has taken one a whole new dimension, of course, given recent events with Greece.

Last Monday, I sat in a class with two energy industry employees.  One of them, an unfailingly wise man who would make a good father figure if he wasn't younger than me, told me about the gravity of the situation with regards to Greece's impending debt crisis.  To be honest, I was only vaguely aware of it at the time - and when I say vaguely, I mean not at all.   Even now, now I have realised the importance of the current crisis and tried to make sense of what is being reported, I am in a haze of confusion (although my schoolgirl Spanish doesn't help, of course).  One thing I have noticed, nonetheless, is that I live in a country of opposites.  It's one of the things that drew me here, but I don't think I really knew how deep the waters into which I've thrown myself really were.  So, on the one hand (the right one), I have people telling me that Greece deserve every bit of the Eurozone vitriol that appears to be going their way, not least because they will not be paying Spain anything back (although it seems doubtful that was ever going to happen) and on the left - well - the left hand is more 'left' than my left hand has ever been (although, in fairness, I've always been a bit ambidextrous).

I can honestly say I've never felt like more of a floating voter than I do today, however. It's probably a good thing that I can't actually do it here, because I am utterly clueless at this point. I am also aware that I live in a country where politics still matter, although many will delight in telling you that's not the case.  Scratch the surface even a little bit though (and believe me, I aim not to do this more than is strictly necessary) and you realise it's not true; these people should try living in the UK with it's 'healthy' democracy before they tell me politics are not important to most people.  I am not at all surprised, either, that most expats seem to claim an 'apolitical' position.  I don't believe this either, but at least it's safe.

One thing I have decided, however, is that I need to stop taking my English 'news' reports from 'The Guardian' Facebook feeds.  Frankly, I have been disappointed with the lack of in-depth analysis from the British online media in general.  Immediately after watching Angela Merkel's announcement that there would be no more extension to Greece's debt deadline, I consulted BBC news online as a back up.  Nothing - or at least nothing worth reading.  It genuinely seemed that it took the British media at least three days to catch up with what was going on.  It seems  inadequate, somehow.  Although perhaps I should go old-school and buy a newspaper once in a while.  At least then my awareness would extend beyond the fact that one journalist in particular has a bit of a 'man-crush' on Yanis Varoufakis or the inference that Pablo Iglesias is somehow sexy because he has a ponytail (truthfully I think I bought into this myself, although in reality he is far more nerdy than sexy).

Without any genuinely intelligible, serious news analysis to guide me, I am flailing in dark waters.  So, again, on the one hand (I'll let you guess which one this time), I have a sense that the newly influential European left (although, this is Spain, so everything is shifted a little bit more to the left in one sense) is a bit of a show pony with a glossy tail and little substance or common sense.  And on the other?  Well the other is a murky tale of corruption and mortgage scandals.  To be honest, the mortgage story is scandalous and, once it was explained properly to me by my favourite insurance underwriter, actually made me feel something I hadn't felt in a while - righteous anger on the behalf of others.

This issue is one that has affected people on both sides of the political divide and it hasn't gone away. Even those who are not facing eviction as I write are still suffering the financial burden of criminally mis-sold mortgages (and it was criminal - there are legal measures in place to help people reclaim some of the money that was effectively stolen from them, but they are, anecdotally at least, inadequate and it doesn't help those who are being evicted).  And the banks are hardly sympathetic.  One friend recently told me that his bank manager suggested he didn't go ahead with legal proceedings because it would cost him almost as much as he was owed.  He is going ahead anyway.  Good.

I had only been living in Madrid for three days when I realised that this was my city for better or worse.  The worse, at that point, was a young police officer being pushed under a train only a few metres from where I now live.  I felt it.  Living here, I don't admit this readily, but I have a friend in the police and, even if I didn't, it still shakes my sense of what is right and wrong.  To be honest, the poor guy was probably harassing an illegal immigrant at the time.  It still doesn't make it right, of course, and suddenly it mattered more because it happened where I live.  I am starting to feel the same way about Spain in general I suppose.  That said, I don't feel I have any right to an opinion when I am simultaneously so factually and experientially redundant.  In other words, I don't think I am ready to take sides.

As a final note and ironically perhaps, my experience so far is that most Spanish people are reluctant to do the same -  or at least admit to doing the same.  One woman, a highly intelligent PA to a senior banker, recently told me at length about how the Spanish are far too ready to argue over politics and jump on a bandwagon.  She's probably right; she argued her point most passionately.  And don't get her started on the Catalans.  The truth is, I don't know what the truth is.  The biggest likelihood is that I am destined to become one of those apolitical expats I was talking about earlier.  But, and this is just between you and me, scratch the surface and I still care.  I don't know much but I do know that anything else would be wrong.  And tomorrow I am buying an English newspaper - unless of course it's The Telegraph.  I might still find myself disappointed but it's got to be worth a try.